Busy-ness

Well, there goes the time for the therapeutic writing :). This past month has been busy busy (of course). I've barely gotten any writing done (although I've done some storyline editing in my head! tiny progress!) and although I still have some older pictures to post, I have literally been kicking the same picture around in my head for over a MONTH waiting to get it down on paper. Then I finally managed to take my sketch book out on the porch with me and laid out a few basic lines while Seraphyna laid on her pillow and we watched the kids run around in the yard, massive storms started brewing and we had to quickly pack it in and make possible tornado plans. As much as I'm dreading a repeat of last summer, I am just in love with the weather and ambience this spring. The weather is a beautiful, energetic 67-82 degrees and everything is green and lush and growing. The warmest day so far, of course, was the day of Med Faire. Although we were all quite miserable and sporting a crimson sheen by the end of the day, the days since have been wonderful and mild. There is a lot of energy to the air, and a lot of storms.....including a very sudden tornado that devastated part of husband's hometown. None of his family or friends were injured, although a few lost part or all of a house. Although I could do without the swirling vortices of doom, the precipitation has been heavenly, especially as a contrast to last year's dry barren never-ending summer. I dare to hope that we may actually have a lighter summer this year.

I will have to put a separate post up with all the things I have going in the sewing department, but I will say I DID get our Med Faire costumes completed at about 5am the morning of (6 whole hours before our tentative leaving time!) and everyone looked great :). I am inordinately proud of Seraphyna's outfit, which was made with no pattern. I usually do not make outfits or costumes for babies and they are HARD to measure!! It's either too tight or it's so loose it falls off. It's like making something fit a floppy, gelatinous, grinning octopus. Her outfit was so perfect though: loose fitting and airy, but completely covering her limbs from the sun, and the elastic around the neck kept it from going everywhere.

Once again, I find myself merely one week before a sewing deadline, and I haven't even started yet. Rowan and Lachlan's birthday party is next Sunday, and I haven't even cut out their pajamas yet. It is my goal to make everyone a sewn item as part of their birthday gift, in fact I would like to make this a yearly tradition, but it really snuck up on me this time. For Rowan, he will have Star Wars print pajama pants with a coordinating shirt, and for Lachlan he will have alligators. He would probably prefer something with cars or trains, but his lovey is a gigantic stuffed alligator that we have named "Om", so Mark happened upon a piece of fabric with animals on it (including an alligator) and I have an alligator patch I'm going to put on a shirt to go with the pants I'm making out of the fabric.

Husband is still reeling from the tornadic activity from this weekend and is trying to nap it off, so it's just me tonight with Lachlan (Seraphyna, angel baby that she is, is already down for the night). I'm trying to make myself get started writing or drawing, and not get lost in ridiculous youtube all night. I have music from The Guild as my anthem tonight. They have a new one out that I love love and it keeps going through my head (i might be playing all three of their songs over and over........ahem). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFhgupR565Q is the video for their newest (NSFW lyrics). If Sir I-Have-to-Stand-on-Everything-You're-Doing wasn't up, I'd try and cut out pjs....but as it is, it will probably be computer time. Maybe I'll get ambitious and try and figure out the scanner so I can upload artwork. I need to figure out how to finish drawings so they don't all look like a scratchy mess. Well that concludes my blogtime tonight, at least according to Sir I-Have-to-Crawl-In-and-Out-of-Your-Lap-and-Give-You-a-Hug-a-Hundred-Times. /sigh.

Inadequate

I've taken a thousand pictures. I have tried different angles, lighting, settings, and distances. I've gotten different expressions, motions, looking straight at the camera, away, focusing on her tiny fists held up for observation, and intensely gazing into my eyes. I've taken pictures of her dark brown hair wisping around her ears, her grey-blue eyes, her puckered mouth, her little fingers, and her chubby cheeks. But nothing comes even close to her vibrancy, how *alive* she feels as you look at her, as she looks at you, completely trusting you. More than trust: it's as if the word trust does not exist, because it implies that there could be an opposite. She lives in a world where she can never imagine harm, pain, or anything but love, devotion, warmth, and kind words. No camera can capture her intensity, her intelligence, her innocence, her knowing. But more than that, no one else could see it either. No one will ever see or feel her as vibrantly and as real as I can. No one can ever see a child through the eyes of her mother.

I am afraid that no matter how many pictures I take, I will forget her just as she is, right now.

Innocent and perfect.

Goodwill

Yesterday we got a small haul from the local Goodwill. I remember when I was too good to shop at the Goodwill. It doesn't matter that some of my fondest memories from childhood was recieving a big bag of hand-me-downs from one of Mom's friends and spending an hour sorting through clothes that were often nicer and definitely more unique than "cheap shirt and pants from Walmart".

That all changed one late winter when we lived in North Carolina. Now when we lived in Florida, Mark made a relatively decent hourly wage, then made almost double that in commissions from all the special orders he made. It was FL, it was that busy and ppl had money to spare. But the cost of living was just ridiculous. It was also smoggy, crowded, high crime rate, and we longed to be able to breathe again. So we moved to NC, with him keeping the same job and just transferring stores. When we got there, we were in for a shock: NC was much slower, and he lost almost all his commission money. But they still thought they were fancy, and the cost of living was EXACTLY the same. So now we were stuck, with ridiculously high bills, and literally half the income. We started out doing fairly well for ourselves for the first time, and left the next year with our tails between our legs running back to Oklahoma. But I digress.

I couldn't even afford to buy the kids clothes to wear that year. We made do in the winter with buying one sweatshirt and one pair of pants each, then donations from friends. In the spring I sucked it up and hit the Goodwill. Thanks to them, I clothed three kids for a season for under $30, plus buying my first Boppy pillow (same one I still have :) ).

When we moved back to OK it took me awhile to get friendly with the Goodwill again. But the past couple of years we have found some real treasures: a brand new wool coat for Mark for $8 (at least $100 new), 3 piece suits, fancy dresses, tons of stuff for pennies on the dollar. I have no problem carting my legion of kids into the Goodwill now and leaving with clothes nicer than we could usually afford. I can't get everything there: pants or clothes for kids younger than 5 are usually a lost cause. Shoes are hit and miss (mostly miss becuase I don't like getting used shoes for little feet). But we do pretty good there. Last night we ended up with 3 girls' shirts, one dress, and two adult-sized skirts that I'm going to size down for the girls. Both of these skirts are in excellent condition but are way too small for me. And both fullfill my "repurpose" goal for the month. I just need to get elastic and the girls will have two brand new skirts for about $3 each and very little work on my part. (Lilith's will be the rainbow paisley and Ivy's the white with navy flowers)

Next month's repurpose goal is going to involve a lot of using old sheets. I am going to get some new sheets for our bed, and i'm going to take all the jersey sheets and all the sheets that haave holes and are ragged, and I'm going to either repurpose them into nightgowns and sleep pants for the kids, or if they are still in relatively good shape, I'm going to try my hand at making raglan knit shirts for the boys. The pattern I'm going to get is http://www.artfire.com/ext/shop/product_view/wisesewingsupplies/2867923/tee_for_two_pattern_by_patterns_by_figgys_8-14/supplies/craft_supplies/patterns/children_s in both the smaller and bigger sizes. It's always bothered me that I don't do near as much sewing for the boys as i do the girls, and this way I can make things that they can wear every day instead of just pajama pants. And jersey knit sheets are PERFECT for these shirts. So hopefully I will soon have a whole pile of repurposed sheets into something useful, and nice new sheets on our bed :).

Getting My Thoughts Together

2012 feels to me like a year of starting over. Last year, with the emotional and psychological roller coaster that it was, felt like a year I just lost in my life. Like all progress in parenting, self-sufficiency, financial stability, and personal growth was suspended for months and months, until we slowly, hand over hand, crawled our way out of the abyss, sliding backwards with every other step. As I'm blinking my eyes in the light of the new year, I find I have picked up several nasty parenting habits. My OCPD is flaring up in stealthy ways I didn't realize until it had a good hold in me. While my marriage is stronger than ever before, all the other areas in my life I've lost control of, and I'm more than ready to step forward and get them back.

Although I usually don't do New Year's resolutions, this is a good year to start. I have always had problems being motivated to start, work on, and complete goals. It's like the very process of setting a goal sets me up to fail, as I run from it full speed. I don't want to do that this year. I am going to set personal, parenting, and sustainability goals and I'm not going to let myself back down from them. I've got a few lined out and going already, so I'm going to start listing them here:

Sustainability:
1. Sew two clothing items per month. This is to replace something I would have bought. Bonus if I use fabric I already have.
2. Preserve/process one food item per month. This should be easy to achieve as usually I buy bulk meat and then prepare it for the month, but this will keep me on top of things.
3. Reuse/re-purpose one item per month. This is going to be the challenging one. I'm not that great at re-purposing items and a lot of times I'd rather buy something than fix it to make it work. This might be sewing or crafting related, or not. I'm kind of looking forward to meeting this challenge and see how creative I can get with it.

Household:
1. Get rid of one bag of THINGS from the house every week. I need to work on simplifying our stuff down so we have more room and less clutter. I can easily meet this goal if I just take time to do it. The problem will be hauling all this stuff to the Goodwill before it gets out of control.....
2. Sort through the socks and get rid of a lot of them. I have more socks in this house than even 9 people need, and I'm going to be ruthless in getting rid of old styles and anything that is worn. My original plan was to take every sock in the house, bag it up, and start over.....but the husband vetoed that idea. I'm still going to pare down as much as I can though.
3. Chores every morning before computer. This will be a hard one: I am quite fond of my morning routine of coffee and/or breakfast and facebook before I get going on the day. But as I'm giving myself a lot more chores and school now, I need to utilize every bit of time that I have. I have plenty of time to goof off online during my lunch (yes, I take a lunch break---it's my prerogative) and after the minions are in bed. Cutting out the morning computer time will be hard but necessary: after Miss Seven gets done with her morning socializing and nursing session, she takes a good nap and I need to get stuff done then.
4. Reorganize the kids' rooms and simplify their area. As of right now, an hour of playing completely covers their floor with junk and it just continues to expand until it spills into the hallway and kitchen. I need to get their area and their toys organized, cut down, and under control so they will enjoy their playtime more and picking up is not such a monumental task.
5. Utilize Mark's days off better. Keep up with daily chores so we can use those days for bigger projects instead of always playing catch up. Cook ahead, clean out big areas, have family time, and just not waste the day.
6. BUDGET BUDGET BUDGET. And as an extension of that, keep the house clean and dishes done so we are not tempted to go out (and therefore spend money) just to get away from the overwhelming-ness of it (is that a word? makes sense to me :D)

Parenting/Family:
1. Less yelling. I can't stand it when I hear an argument in the other room and I'm tied down with the baby or something else, and so I yell across the house. As a result, no one listens anymore when I yell. They know I'm not coming in. I need to physically get up, even if it interrupts something I've been trying to get done for the 100th time today, and solve the problem without yelling. Most of the time, yelling will not even be necessary if I can see what's going on.
2. Listen more. Mark and I had gotten pretty good at not ignoring the kids, at stopping what we were doing and looking them in the eye when they were talking, and not banishing them to the other room. But last year there were many, many, many conversations that we needed to have without little listening ears, and we have been really horrible about being absorbed in ourselves and brushing the kids off. I hate that. They know that we do it, it affects them; and it's just us being selfish. It's going to take some work to reverse this for both of us, but it's so important for us to do so. The kids need to know how important they are to us, and showing them is the only way to do it.
3. Talk more respectfully. See number one. The kids, especially the older ones, have started being snippy, disrespectful, and rude to each other a lot lately. And I know deep down it's just a reflection of what they see amplified into the everyday.

To sum up, I really don't like the type of parent I've become in the past year. For awhile yes, I was in survival mode, but I am not anymore and it's time to step up and deserve the love that I get unconditionally from the seven little hearts in this house. More apologizing, saying yes, hugs, positive interaction, and time spent together. Less yelling, criticizing, hiding, saying no, and punishments. A family is a unit, and all portions of the unit need to work together to make a loving, successful home: the parents and the children alike. Here's hoping that we can re-assess and pull it off before it gets out of control.

Minion Number Seven

Miss Seven, Seraphyna, is the seventh and final minion added to our brood. She was born at home unassisted December 7th on the coldest night of the winter so far and in the coldest room of the house. She has fit into the perfect place in our family and is never lacking for love and attention from her multiple brothers and especially her sisters, who are so happy to have another girl to dote on. If I have to guess, I predict that she will be spunky like Lilith, sweet like Ivy, smart like all the others, and able to hold her own against the boys. As the youngest of seven, she will have to be tough :).

Minion Number Six

The not-quite-two yr old boy, Lachlan, has barely started to come into his personality. He's not really talking yet (typical of all my boys) and his favorite thing in the world is to jump off of things or onto things (namely, people). He has taken the spot of the mildest mannered baby I have had, famous for sitting/sleeping through an entire morning at church at 1 week old. He was the second of my home-born children, and the shortest, most intense labour (less than 2 hours). He also has been one of the sickliest: he's allergic to most laundry detergents, possibly antibiotics, and caught RSV at 6 months old. He more than makes up for it in cuddles and spunk, though. He also has the most adorable long blonde hair that I cannot bring myself to cut :).

Minion Number Five

Oh Rowan. My 3 yr old boy, often called Sir Rowan the Rottenest. He is such a handful, has been high needs since the day he was born, screaming through the first 3 days, then refusing to be put down for the next 2 years. He has only started sleeping well in the past 6 months. He is a sweetheart with a vivid imagination and an artistic streak, and absolutely zero tolerance for change, discomfort, or imbalance of any kind. He reminds me to give a kind eye to the mothers of kids throwing a tantrum at the grocery store....sometimes that's just how they are.

Minion Number Four

Next up is my second girl, the mini-motherly one, the deceptively sweet one with a slight dramatic side, Ivy. She loves her baby dolls and she loves to be my helper with the littlest at the time. She also indugles more in dress-up and playing princess or tea party, unlike her practical, science-y older sister.

Minion Number Three

Here we have my lefty child, my boy-among-boys, Gryphon. He just turned 7 and is usually either making up epic battles between good and evil of all genres (star wars, superheroes of all kinds, videogame characters) or drawing comics of said epic battles. Although Lilith is my most talented artist, Gryphon really has a gift for comics with different expressions and special effects.

Minion Number Two

I am still getting the hang of this format, so I will be posting each one separately.

Minion #2 is my go-getter, 8 yr old Lilith. She thinks she is in charge and is constantly craving more responsibilities. Her latest obsessions are learning how to cook and how to sew. She also reads as much or more than Logan.

I Haz Minions

Do you not have minions? My minions are the best. Starting at the top we have Minion #1, Logan. He is my calm, obedient, Harry Potter and hero obsessed 9 yr old. (heroes in general, either superheroes or warriors, anyone that fights and saves others). He has a sweet demeanor and a high-pitched annoying laugh.