Re-Stitching

My grandmother (who we hardly ever see) works as a janitor in a high school.   Once or twice a year, she goes through all the lost and found there and sends a gigantic bag of mislaid clothes and hoodies via my mother to me.  I have never figured whether this is an act of charity, that she doesn't think we can afford to clothe our kids, or simply something to remind us that she does exist, and occasionally thinks of us.  Either way, not one to shirk a bag of clothing, we sort through and keep what we can possibly use and Goodwill the rest. Most of it is hoodies in all different shapes, sizes, and conditions.  I will NEVER have to buy another hoodie.  Probably 3/4 of the remainder is teenage girls' clothes.  I will not waste a moment wondering what causes so many girls to lose their clothes in that school....anyway, a lot of them are plainly indecent and get tossed away.  Some are packed away for Lilith to have when she is older (nice jeans, decent t-shirts or sweaters).  Some I give to her to wear to sleep in or over tank tops.  There have been several cute button down shirts though lately that the girls have been interested in but are beyond huge.  I've been wanting to cut down and see if I can re-size a shirt correctly so I took one and set to experimenting.  Ever since I cut down a green thermal Goodwill shirt for Gryphon for a Halloween costume I've been wanting to try that for other things.  Kids clothes are few and far between at Goodwill, but an adult shirt that could be re-sized....those are a dime a dozen.  I can resize skirts, but shirts are a little more difficult.  The shirt I started with was an adult large. 

I wished I had taken a before picture, but it has not changed too much in these pictures.  I kept the length, but slimmed down the shirt by ripping the seams up the side and taking the sleeve off.  I cut about 2 inches off each side of the shirt, and reshaped the armhole to be much smaller.  Then I stitched up the sides, gathered the sleeve at the top (I did not cut it down, just gathered it to make it fit) and sewed it back on.  Then we dug an old elastic butterfly belt of mine out of the costume box and VOILA new shirt-dress!   I don't think I'm done with the sleeves---they still stick out a bit.  I might either trim them back to be cap sleeves, or I might gather them with elastic.

Miss Lilith is happy with it, and Ivy is jealous.  So I guess more remakings of old shirts will be in the works :).

This is me today

Sew sew sew hold the baby sew sew nurse the baby sew sew clean the house (just kidding, make the kids clean the house)  sew. 

Seraphyna and her dragon help me sew

And wrap the birthday presents.

Understanding Anxiety

I am usually not in the business of reblogging things or stealing other people's posts, but I thought this was so poignant, so well-written, and so ACCURATE that I had to share. 

http://nissanissas.tumblr.com/post/22018434398/how-to-decode-a-person-with-an-anxiety-disorder

things we are trying to do all the time:

1. be safe

things we can’t help but do all the time:

1. second-guess ourselves
2. behave impulsively and reactively
3. take everything personally
4. worry
5. worry
6. worry
7. have difficulty accepting compliments
8. have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures
9. have difficulty finding the courage to respond
10. have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions
11. make a huge deal out of the smallest thing

things you should keep in mind:

1. we’re scared of everything
2. pretty much all of the time
3. it’s an actual disorder
4. it manifests as impulsive behavior
5. you can’t fix us with words
6. telling us “worrying is silly” won’t make us stop worrying
7. it’ll only make us feel silly
8. and then we’ll worry even more
9. “oh god, am i worrying too much? what if they call me silly again?”
10. like that
11. also, we wear a lot of armor
12. cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes
13. we constructed this armor as children
14. we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart
15. but there is a nice person under there, we promise

things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:

1. stick around
2. ask them if they’re comfortable in a place or situation
3. be willing to change the place or situation if not
4. activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!
5. talk to them even when they might not talk back
6. (they’re probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)
7. try not to take their reactions (or lack thereof) personally
8. (the way they expresses themself is distorted and bent because of their constant fear)
9. (and they knows this)
10. give them time to respond to you
11. they will obsess over how they are being interpreted
12. they will anticipate being judged
13. it took me four hours just to type this much
14. even though i sound casual
15. that’s because i have an anxiety disorder

things you shouldn’t do:

1. tell us not to worry
2. tell us we’ll be fine
3. mistake praise for comfort
4. ask us if we are “getting help”
5. force us to be social
6. force us to do things that trigger us
7. “face your fears” doesn’t always work
8. because—remember—scared of everything
9. in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself

emergency action procedure for panic attacks:

1. be calm
2. be patient
3. don’t be condescending
4. remind us that we’re not “crazy”
5. sit with us
6. ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one
7. remind us that we are breathing
8. engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)
9. if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly
10. or breathe through our nose
11. or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath
12. ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe
13. help us change it
14. usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down

if you have an anxiety disorder:

1. it’s okay.
2. even if you worry that it’s not okay.
3. it’s still okay. it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to be scared of being scared.
4. you are not crazy. you are not a freak.
5. i know there’s a person under all that armor.
6. and i know you feel isolated because of it.
7. i won’t make you take it off.
8. but know that you are not alone.

Remember, people with anxiety need love too.  Sometimes more love.

Writing Quandaries

As I'm flailing around madly for some kind of dialogue between these two in their story, this is a conversation I imagine happening between Zara and Elf:

Elf:  Hey, I just got this metal, it's rare and it's metal, and it's in this metal holding bag!
Zara:  Wow.......that's, neat..... *trails off and glances away*

Zara:  Hey, I just found this moldy piece of paper with two words and one symbol on it, and I think if I stand on my head it might be a hidden clue to the origin of Ahn'Qiraj!
Elf: Um, that's fascinating......*whistles and watches the sky*

.......moments pass.......

Zara:  Hey, wanna go help me kill stuff?
Elf:  Sure!


*they ride off into the sunset*

COME ON GUYS FIND SOME COMMON GROUND HERE.

"That's a big dragon."  "Ayup."

Busy-ness

Well, there goes the time for the therapeutic writing :). This past month has been busy busy (of course). I've barely gotten any writing done (although I've done some storyline editing in my head! tiny progress!) and although I still have some older pictures to post, I have literally been kicking the same picture around in my head for over a MONTH waiting to get it down on paper. Then I finally managed to take my sketch book out on the porch with me and laid out a few basic lines while Seraphyna laid on her pillow and we watched the kids run around in the yard, massive storms started brewing and we had to quickly pack it in and make possible tornado plans. As much as I'm dreading a repeat of last summer, I am just in love with the weather and ambience this spring. The weather is a beautiful, energetic 67-82 degrees and everything is green and lush and growing. The warmest day so far, of course, was the day of Med Faire. Although we were all quite miserable and sporting a crimson sheen by the end of the day, the days since have been wonderful and mild. There is a lot of energy to the air, and a lot of storms.....including a very sudden tornado that devastated part of husband's hometown. None of his family or friends were injured, although a few lost part or all of a house. Although I could do without the swirling vortices of doom, the precipitation has been heavenly, especially as a contrast to last year's dry barren never-ending summer. I dare to hope that we may actually have a lighter summer this year.

I will have to put a separate post up with all the things I have going in the sewing department, but I will say I DID get our Med Faire costumes completed at about 5am the morning of (6 whole hours before our tentative leaving time!) and everyone looked great :). I am inordinately proud of Seraphyna's outfit, which was made with no pattern. I usually do not make outfits or costumes for babies and they are HARD to measure!! It's either too tight or it's so loose it falls off. It's like making something fit a floppy, gelatinous, grinning octopus. Her outfit was so perfect though: loose fitting and airy, but completely covering her limbs from the sun, and the elastic around the neck kept it from going everywhere.

Once again, I find myself merely one week before a sewing deadline, and I haven't even started yet. Rowan and Lachlan's birthday party is next Sunday, and I haven't even cut out their pajamas yet. It is my goal to make everyone a sewn item as part of their birthday gift, in fact I would like to make this a yearly tradition, but it really snuck up on me this time. For Rowan, he will have Star Wars print pajama pants with a coordinating shirt, and for Lachlan he will have alligators. He would probably prefer something with cars or trains, but his lovey is a gigantic stuffed alligator that we have named "Om", so Mark happened upon a piece of fabric with animals on it (including an alligator) and I have an alligator patch I'm going to put on a shirt to go with the pants I'm making out of the fabric.

Husband is still reeling from the tornadic activity from this weekend and is trying to nap it off, so it's just me tonight with Lachlan (Seraphyna, angel baby that she is, is already down for the night). I'm trying to make myself get started writing or drawing, and not get lost in ridiculous youtube all night. I have music from The Guild as my anthem tonight. They have a new one out that I love love and it keeps going through my head (i might be playing all three of their songs over and over........ahem). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFhgupR565Q is the video for their newest (NSFW lyrics). If Sir I-Have-to-Stand-on-Everything-You're-Doing wasn't up, I'd try and cut out pjs....but as it is, it will probably be computer time. Maybe I'll get ambitious and try and figure out the scanner so I can upload artwork. I need to figure out how to finish drawings so they don't all look like a scratchy mess. Well that concludes my blogtime tonight, at least according to Sir I-Have-to-Crawl-In-and-Out-of-Your-Lap-and-Give-You-a-Hug-a-Hundred-Times. /sigh.

Why I Love My Husband

Saturday early afternoon, we went to the Tandy Leather Company for husband to get a new buckle for his chainmail belt (the other one broke). It was a small-ish store with lots of exciting things to look at for the kids, and it was a little hectic as they were having a moving sale. Usually I take Seraphyna in the sling and Lachlan goes in a rolling containment device (either a stroller or cart) but there just wasn't enough room for one in there, so husband held Lachlan. I almost immediately had to take two kids to the bathroom and handed off Seraphyna so I could as well, so here he is holding a toddler and a baby and trying to corral 3 walking kids. When I came back, Seraphyna had spit up on his shoulder and Lachlan was wiping his runny nose on his other shoulder :). I took Rowan and the other kids, and we shopped. Not once did he lose his cool or complain about toting around a kid in each arm, both of them dirtying his clothes. We ended up with the belt buckle, some small leather kits for the kids, and a bag of scrap leather to make into pouches for Med Faire. All the way home we happily chattered about ideas for the leather and what kinds of things we and the kids would make. He had to leave soon after we got home, but we sat together and talked with him holding me in the few minutes we had, then a round of hugs and kisses all around (times 7!) and off he went to work.

Just one moment in many where he balances father to seven and husband to a strange wife gracefully and with ease.

Inadequate

I've taken a thousand pictures. I have tried different angles, lighting, settings, and distances. I've gotten different expressions, motions, looking straight at the camera, away, focusing on her tiny fists held up for observation, and intensely gazing into my eyes. I've taken pictures of her dark brown hair wisping around her ears, her grey-blue eyes, her puckered mouth, her little fingers, and her chubby cheeks. But nothing comes even close to her vibrancy, how *alive* she feels as you look at her, as she looks at you, completely trusting you. More than trust: it's as if the word trust does not exist, because it implies that there could be an opposite. She lives in a world where she can never imagine harm, pain, or anything but love, devotion, warmth, and kind words. No camera can capture her intensity, her intelligence, her innocence, her knowing. But more than that, no one else could see it either. No one will ever see or feel her as vibrantly and as real as I can. No one can ever see a child through the eyes of her mother.

I am afraid that no matter how many pictures I take, I will forget her just as she is, right now.

Innocent and perfect.